


My Son, My Sunshine

by Nishani_Haripersadh



Category: Short Story - Fandom, one shot - Fandom
Genre: Death, Grief, Loss, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 11:09:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/925671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nishani_Haripersadh/pseuds/Nishani_Haripersadh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is dedicated to everyone who has lost someone dear yet more so to mothers who has lost a child or are battling with an ailing son or daughter. Never doubt that they are among the stars shining down on you each and every single day.</p><p>I am not a mother myself (yet) but I did write this story from my heart as I do have six nephews who I love with all my being. I sincerely hope nobody takes offense to the gist and outcome of this one-shot and if I do hurt anyone, please know that it was not intentional and kindly take this as an apology in advance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Son, My Sunshine

Hannah leapt unceremoniously from the cold and uncomfortable plastic bench outside the hospice room door and started to pace the sterile and shiny corridor. Her back was aching but she nevertheless paced in a straight line; five forward and retraced her steps five back. She continued for the umpteenth time before losing count when finally the door of the softly lit ward opened.

"Dr Benson," she ran to him anxiously. "How is he? How is my Jamie?"

The distinguished looking doctor in his blue scrubs slipped off his surgical gloves and his cap, averting his downcast eyes.

"Mrs Carlton, we've done all we can do to alleviate James' pain and suffering. I am sorry to have to tell you that there is nothing more we can really do. His vitals are weakening and his immune system is rejecting most medication. All that he needs right now is his mother more than anything else." The oncologist smiled fatherly at her. "He is asking for you."

Hannah watched as the doctor walked away, her dark brown eyes holding a sea of emotion as she bit down on her lip to prevent herself from falling to the floor in a heap of tears. She leaned against the wall as Dr Benson turned the corner, letting his shoulders finally slump in defeat. She owed the older man so much. She owed him for taking such tremendously good care of her son.

_My son._

Hannah pushed open the door to her son's ward and found Nurse Patel gently adjusting Jamie's pillows while he smiled tiredly up at her. The tears that she had been holding back finally broke free.

_Why? Why does my beautiful little boy have to suffer this way? Why?_

"Mommy!" Jamie exclaimed when he spotted his mother at the door.

His weak exclamation brought a fit of wheezy coughs to the fragile teenager which had Hannah bounding to the bed as she held a face cloth to his mouth.

"Easy there, my sunshine. Mommy is here."

It took a full two minutes for Jamie to settle back down against his pillows and for his rib-cracking coughs to subside. When Hannah removed the cloth from her child's mouth, she found a splattering of blood on it. She hastily hid it behind her back, not wanting him to see it and in doing so, she took a deep breath to calm her ever-ready and tautly corded emotions from coming to the fore.

"Dr Benson says that it's a mommy's job to be here for you." She smiled through her glistening tear-filled eyes. "And I think he is quite correct."

Jamie lifted his weak hand and touched his thin fingers to Hannah's temple. She closed her eyes at his tender touch and tried her hardest to stifle an imminent sob.

"Mommy don't cry," he breathed coarsely. "Didn't I promise you when daddy died, that I would be your backbone and the man of the house?" His coughs came in spasms again. "I don't want daddy to be upset with me especially now that I am going to meet him very soon."

"What?" Hannah cried out. "Jamie, please do not talk that way!"

"It's okay, mommy." He swallowed thickly as he patted her hand. "Why am I so thirsty all the time?"

Hannah leapt to her feet and poured a glass of water from the carafe on his nightstand before helping her son take a sip, a little at a time. Her eyes clouded as she recountered how his condition of Acute Myeloid Leukemia had rapidly deteriorated in the last six months. It had taken him from being a bouncing and effervescent fourteen year old boy who played every sport imaginable, into a heavily medicated teenager who now looked half his age and size.

"I will tell you every single day how proud I am of you, Jamie. Your father, if he was still with us would tell you that too. You know that, right?"

Jamie smiled as he closed his eyes while memories upon memories flooded through his mind; his sixth birthday, the last birthday that his father helped him blow out the candles. The very next year his father had been tragically snatched from him. His first ever proper vacation in Cape Town where he and his mother had taken the cable car up to the majestic Table Mountain. His memory swirled to the weekends he spent by the warm waters of the Indian Ocean off the south-eastern coast of South Africa where the soothing waves lapped at his bare feet while he made the hugest and most outrageous sandcastles. Then there was the excitement of horseriding and trout fishing with his classmates whilst on a school excursion in the Drakensberg, one of the beauteous pearls of the Kwa-Zulu Natal midlands. His memories took another turn and he smiled winsomely as he recalled helping his mother bake cookies and prepare sandwiches for a homeless shelter in an impoverished area in Durban. Then there was his comical kite-flying escapades during blustery days in the backyard of his home in the leafy and picturesque suburb of La Lucia.

"Mommy, I want to go back home." He rasped suddenly, his eyes fluttering open. "I don't like being in this white-walled tomb of a ward anymore and I don't like Johannesburg. Please mommy, take me home."

Hannah sat speechless, not knowing how to adequately respond to her child's plea.

_What do I tell you, son?_

"Promise me mommy! When it's all over, you'll take me back home where I will forever feel the warmth of the Durban sun and smell the fresh sea air of Natal."

Jamie took a hoarse breath.

"Yes my son," she choked in reply. "I promise you. But let's not think of that now. We must concentrate on getting you better."

Dr Benson's words came crashing back to her.

_I am sorry to have to tell you that there is nothing more we can really do._

_No,_ Hannah silently cried. _There has to be something else that can be done to save my boy._

"Mommy?"

Hannah looked down at her son lying fragile on the bed, his mop of silky dark hair spread limply on the pillow. He was so pale yet so handsomely youthful despite how his wretched illness had eroded away at him.

Through it all though, his mind, heart and soul remained so pure and so vigilant. He had such a fighting spirit. He was such a source of motivation. To her. To all persons who crossed his path.

"Yes, my baby boy?"

"Sing me my song."

Hannah swallowed the knot in her throat. _Dear lord, please grant me courage and keep me strong for the sake of my son._

It did take all her courage and strength to sing the iconic 'You Are My Sunshine' song which she fine tuned and made it her own for her boy since he was just a baby.

_Jamie is my sunshine, my baby sunshine_

_You make me so happy when skies are grey_

_You'll never know my son, how much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away_

_You're my baby and I love you, Jamie_

_Please don't take my baby away._

Hannah's eyes flew open a second later when she heard her son, her beautiful fourteen year old take a gut-wrenchingly ragged breath. His absolute and final breath.

"No! NOOO!" She wailed as she clutched her son's immobile body. "Jamie! Jamie, please wake up! Baby, come back! Please don't leave me. Mommy cannot be alone. Jamie..."

Hannah slumped her head onto the bed, her wet cheek resting against Jamie's now limp and lifeless forearm. Such was her distress that she didn't even register the heart monitor eerily flatlining or several hospice nurses and Dr Benson rushing into the room.

Nurse Patel gently ushered Hannah outside where she collapsed into an exhausted mass on the unwelcoming plastic bench.

"My deepest sympathies, Mrs Carlton." She wiped a tear away. "I am so sorry."

Hannah refused to acknowledge her condolence. Her little fighter couldn't be gone. Jamie was just sleeping. He would be up in a short while.

Dr Benson met Hannah in the corridor a few minutes later where he crouched down on his haunches and placed her enclosed fists into his warm palms.

"My dearest Hannah, I am so truly sorry for your loss. Please you must know that James is at peace now. No more suffering."

"NO!" She shrieked, her eyes full of vividly brutal anguish. "No Dr Benson, this cannot be."

The oncologist took the young woman into his arms and patted her back soothingly.

"No words can express my sadness, Hannah. This is a loss we all profoundly feel. James, for one so young touched all of our lives in a way we can never truly do justice. He was a remarkable lad."

Hannah sobbed harder.

"There there, dear." He offered her his handkerchief. "If you would like a moment to yourself with James before the necessary needs to be done."

She nodded as she softly blew her nose. Dr Benson steered her to the door and requested the nurses to leave.

"Take all the time you need, my dear."

Hannah stumbled toward the white-sheeted bed which now held her deceased child to find none of the usually present tubes and drips attached to his body. He looked so serene, so at peace and there on his angelic face, was a soft smile. She choked back a sob as she placed a kiss to her son's forehead.

"I love you, baby."

Hannah began to distractedly rearrange his head on the pillow when her hand brushed against something which was shoved beneath it. Sliding her fingers beneath the pillow, she pulled out a handmade envelope addressed to her, written in her son's scratchy font. She felt her knees give way and clutching the armrest of the chair, she quickly sat down. After the longest of moments and with trembling fingers, she opened the letter's casing.

_My dearest mommy,_

_What a blessed life I've had. I had a terrific six years with daddy and a funfilled, wonderful, exciting and the most awesomest fourteen years with you. You are a mother that I wish most children could have as you gave me an abundance of love and such a wealth of laughter and good times that would last me a lifetime. Even though my lifetime was just fourteen years, I gladly embrace and cherish it with both hands. I thank you mommy, for dedicating your life in trying to make me better. Your selflessness knows no bounds and I think it is now time for you to embrace your own life and live it accordingly. I know you're going to miss me and in all probability cry for me everyday like you used to for Dad. It took you a long time to get over his loss but you overcame it and in the same way, you too will learn to live without me. But just remember that life goes on. Even for those of us who are now departed, it is but another journey into the unknown. I want you to place your hand over your heart mommy..._

Hannah instinctively placed her palm over her chest.

_Feel that, mommy?_

She nodded as a sob was wrenched out from within her.

_Everytime your heart beats, know that I am with you. I want you to smile, mommy. I used to proudly tell everyone that my mom had the most beautiful smile._

She found her mouth curving upwards involuntarily and felt her heart swell.

_What's that I see? Aah yes, the amazing Hannah Carlton smile. The smile that makes everything alright._

Hannah sat rooted to the chair, her eyes flicking across to her son and marvelled at her boy's plethora of unconditional love and wisdom for one so young.

_That is something I want on your face everyday, mommy. I want you to wake up with no tears, no sadness and no regrets. Just a happy smile on your beautiful face. After all I was your sunshine as you were mine. I've got to go now, mommy. I love you. I will love you for all eternity._

Through hazy tears, Hannah folded her son's heartfelt note and dropped a lingering kiss to his forehead.

"I love you James Carlton. Forever and always. Be at peace, my son."

 

As Hannah departed the hospice room - which had been Jamie's home for the last eight months of his life – she clung onto her son's belongings and knew that despite losing her only child and her very reason for existing, she now had a reason for waking up everyday. She did after all have a daily promise to fulfil to her son and that was rise every morning with a smile on her face.

Hannah knew that although her life was now irrevocably changed and would never ever be the same again, it wouldn't be so bad. There was a reason for that. She placed her hand over her heart and knew that was where Jamie now resided in spirit.

While walking down the sterile corridor for the very last time, Hannah felt goosebumps prickle her skin as she heard a faint yet melodious tune echo the air. It was a very familiar song being sung in none other than Jamie's whimsical voice.

 

_You are my sunshine,_

_My mommy sunshine,_

_You made me happy,_

_Every single day..._

 

Hanna clutched Jamie's belongings a bit tighter to her chest and as she took a deep reassuring breath, she knew her son was now at peace with no more suffering and above all else, he was now in the protective and loving arms of his daddy.

 **Soundtrack:** "Fix You" - Coldplay


End file.
